Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Sexual Hippopotamus

I've been divorced since 2002.  In the years since then, as I grew closer to the Lord, I was extremely cautious about asking Him certain, um... well, marital questions.

I figured, this is "God" I'm talking to - I can't just toss around the matter of sexual needs and desires with Him like an old football.  This isn't a casual topic, after all; it's a really personal thing and, since I'm single now, it's probably sinful anyway, right?  Well, then I certainly am not going to discuss it with my Heavenly Father!

So, although Daddy and I could discuss many things and the list was growing, I didn't dare present my sexual concerns to Him for fear I would be overstepping the grounds of our "holy" connection by somehow soiling His ears and taking liberties with His love for me.  

But as those nitty-gritty queries continually ate at my heart, I could barely enter my spiritual "closet" with Him without climbing over this enormous, grunting hippopotamus that just wouldn't be quiet no matter how long I danced or how loudly I prayed.  Frankly, because  I didn't know the all-merciful, compassionate heart of God back then (as I do now), I was afraid I'd be fried if I told Him I missed having sex.

I've never been so glad to be dead wrong about a thing in all my life.

Now I admit that when God spoke to my heart about writing this post, my eyebrows went up a bit.  I wondered how I could explain what God wants to do for everyone in this place, and then Holy Spirit softly said, "Just tell them your story." God's Spirit of perfect love makes everything possible by casting out fear and standing up inside of us when we yield to His power.  Amen.

One night about five years ago, while lying on my bed, I tentatively whispered, "Father, is it okay if I ask something of You?"  His Spirit softly said to me, "Of course."

Although my courage was tenuous at best, in hindsight I realize Holy Spirit faithfully coached me to that moment.  In the stillness I closed my eyes and said, "I need Holy Spirit to hold me tonight, but not just as Your child.  Father, tonight I... I want Holy Spirit to hold me like a man holds a woman.  Is that okay?"

I was afraid to open my eyes, as if their closed lids actually afforded me protection.  A few seconds passed... and then a few more.  On this side of things I realize the brief pause reflected Abba's relief and delight at my courage - the courage He granted me.

"Of course it's okay, beloved," He finally replied.

His tender response broke the dam of my apprehensions, and a river of questions swiftly gushed out.  "It is?" I began.  "I mean, that's not a sin?  It's allowed?  Are you sure?"

LOL! Yes, I actually asked THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE if He was sure - but we'll cover pride and stupidity in another post!  ;0)

In His everlasting wisdom and understanding of us all, God must have chuckled.  But since I had not been fried and God hadn't left the room, I opened my eyes and faced Him like I'd been wanting to for weeks.   God's love gives us courage, so I carefully broached the subject of subjects amid the atmosphere of gentleness and favor.

"Father, is it okay for me to feel like I have sexual needs?" I asked.  At that moment I literally felt His delight as Abba sat down beside me to finally have this conversation.  He said,
"Sharon, every legitimate need you have, I have given you.  The need for a wife to be joined to her husband in intimacy is one I birthed in the human race.  It is a legitimate, healthy need.  What's more, every need I have given you, I can meet."
I admit that, at that moment, I felt a little weird.  By my definitions what the Lord was saying to me came against every "decently and in order... does not behave itself unseemly" doctrine I had ever been taught.  Thank God for Holy Spirit standing strong within me, anointing my ability to receive truth and gently massaging my understanding as that truth unfolded.  Abba continued...
"I formed mankind to receive everything from Me. The physical connection of man and wife is only an earthly manifestation of the true connection of My Heart to My Bride.  I Am married to Israel - she is Mine.  In Me, Christ is married to the true church - she is His Bride.  I spawned the need within the Bride for her Husband, therefore your need is of Me, and My Son Jesus is your Divine Husband, beloved; His Spirit will be more than happy to hold you in that way!"
He gently added...
"Again, the bonding and connection I've instituted in the loins of man and wife becoming one flesh is only a physical picture of the true Source of satisfaction when the Heart of the Godhead becomes one with the Heart of the Bride. That's what you're after, beloved, in all the passion and deep safety and belonging that is derived from it.  It's what I created to succor you in every place.  All your answers are found in the fiery, all-consuming connection to My Heart to depths most of mankind has never been, but My invitation has been opened to all through Christ's shed blood.  Give My Spirit permission to touch the core of your being with My Hand as your Husband, and you will never see lack or unmet need in that place again."
I was floored!  Delighted, but absolutely floored.

I knew He spoke the truth... it resounded in my spirit such that I could not deny it, and I was being delivered of the counsel of my flesh right there on my bed! Religiosity and Churchiosity failed and fell away in the face of His new light and life breathed upon me by His Spirit, dispelling all doubts and fears.  I knew He had given me the answer to quench all my thirst and mercifully feed me in this place.  I allowed Holy Spirit to set my heart in obedience, and I gave my Abba permission right then and there to enter the depths of my being, as yet unplumbed by Him, in this place.

As witnessed by Almighty God, my friends, I have never regretted it.  And whenever I need or want affection in the places of deep love, adoration, appreciation, assurances, and comfort I go to my Divine Husband's bedchamber where His Spirit brings peace to my spirit, soul, and body as His everlasting arms envelop, secure, and refresh my heart.

[A Prayer for you:  Father, may we be granted the boldness to surrender all of our needs to you - even in the most personal, sensitive areas - that we will know Your unsurpassed capability to fill and satisfy us completely in every place always, by Christ Jesus.  In His Mighty Name we pray.  Amen.]

God bless you all to ever-higher levels of knowing His true Heart.
Daddy's Girl

"... fervent in spirit, serving the Lord."
(Romans 12:11b)